photo by Colon

I was recently asked what I took from my experience as a press agent at Sundance.
What did I take? Well aside from twenty-five packets of Ola Loa sport drink, a few Luna Bars, and the unequivocal truth that I should be my own boss, not much. Just Kidding! Honestly, I would like to go back next year but with a larger crew, live feed capabilities and HD video camera. I would also like to not be visited by Aunt Flow who is a real pain in the lower back if you know what I mean.
All kidding aside I have learned a few things from the experience.

-U.S. reviewers tend to spend little more than ten minutes in a screening before they dip out to do whatever they do. I gather they’re off writing the typical two paragraph opinion piece that passes for a film review these days. A few adjectives and adverbs and you have yourself a review, mostly subjective with zero subtext much like the plot of Hounddog which was resoundly panned and deservedly so.

-A press pass does not guarantee you entry into much of anything. That includes public screenings, but if you’re smart you’ll schedule yourself accordingly and hit as many press screenings as possible during the week that way you don’t have to bother trying to get tickets to “hot” movies.

-It is possible to over-prepare for an interview and woefully under-prepare (based upon the supposed laid-backedness of interviewees) for another.

Note to self: practice the fifteen minute interview because not everyone digs your longviewed interview style not to mention will allow you three hours worth of discussion as is your preference.

-Press agents are possibly the most uppity bunch of wannabe indie-fucks ever, and that includes myself-to a limited extent. We all think our opinions matter based upon subjective degrees, dusty diplomas from art schools/film studies programs and publication in obscure literary journals. In the end they are merely opinions. The only opinions that matter are those that are backed up with insightful (or inciteful) and concise references grounded in common sense/knowledge with a smattering of poetic philosophy to make it seem like we are “thinkers” and therefore worthy of listening to if not believing.

-I hate the U.S. press but only slightly less than the verbose and chatty French press who can’t seem to shut the fuck up during a screening. Really, opinions AFTER the credits roll, AFTER not during the film or during the credits. Then you can “voile vou” all you want Francoise.
-It is impossible to sit through five to six screenings per day, eat, write, and party with your friends until dawn and then expect to get up and do it all over again the next day. Unless you happen to be an Indian (of the American variety) whom all seem to be able to do most of that (maybe more) on a daily basis. But if you aren’t an Indian, don’t bother trying.

-Press passes equal free really good coffee and all the bottled water you can drink. Take advantage! I know I did and it saved me quite a nice chunk of cash cause if there is one thing I can do that’s drink some coffee.

-Park City is expensive and filled with snotty locals who bitch incessantly about the “tourists” forgetting the fact that their charming mountain lives are made the more charming by the visiting “star obsessed” cash shelling tourists they loathe publicly. I say, “Shut the fuck up townies. Your mommy couldn’t afford that Northface parka you’re wearing if we weren’t hear shelling out $2.50 for a cup of joe and $15.00 for a movie ticket. Shit man, going to the movies in Manhattan isn’t even that expensive and a small coffee does not cost no two dollars and fifty cent either! So put a sock in it!”

-Salt Lake City should change it’s name to Smog Lake City. A layer 100 feet thick covered the entire valley the day I flew in. It was quite alarming considering the city is in the middle of nowhere. Again not even one of the largest greatest most populated cities in the world has smog that bad. I am referring to my beloved/hated Manhattan. Actually now that I think of it Mexico City (my other loves/hates city) doesn’t seem as bad by comparison. Remind me never to spend time in Salt Lake.

-The festival seem to be comprised of other festival coordinators from all over the world. As if they only came to Sundance to snatch films that didn’t snag distro-deals for their festival. Umm yeah that’s exactly why they were there. And we were too. More on that much later.
All in all, I had a great time. It was enlightening to sit with the other press agents and hear their opinions on the changing indie film scene, Park City in the eighties, the insidiousness of swag bags, and the futility of art house filmmaking. I fully intend to attend next year, maybe.